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Drinking Pedialyte At Flagstaff WalMart

(April 8, 2019)

Video Transcript:

There’s almost nothing better than this. I’m trying to think of things that are better, and I’m not coming up with much. It’s like after 8AM so it’s kind of getting a little bit warmer in here now, but it just feels so good.

contented sigh

Here I am at the Flagstaff WalMart, it’s about the nicest WalMart ever. It’s got covered parking, that’s some crazy shit. I fit in, I’ll just put it that way.

I’m hella, mega fuckin’ stoked about this right now. I went in there dressed like a pure and total hippie. People were turning and looking and smiling at me. And some people just thought I was weird, just another one of the crazy people who are around Flagstaff. If you’re a crazy person around Flagstaff, I’m not hating but come on, it’s true.

One of the important things I got was some ~Pedialyte.

Let me just get down here and fuckin’ talk to you right now, okay?

So I literally just turned 29, and I got some Pedialyte because I’m thirsty in ways that are just not even good.

But right now, I feel like I need it. I feel like I was divinely guided to get this Pedialyte, dude.

“Not for people with galactosemia.” Jeez, I hope I don’t have galactosemia, whatever the fuck that is.

This little kid has a bitchin’ mohawk dude, like he has an actual legitimate mohawk and he’s like 2 or something. That is so cute.

You guys, I lost my shit. It’s lost. Let me just show you the normal thing first, let me just break the ice with this…

(holds up ~Fritos Mild Cheddar)

I got this and some chips. So okay that’s the normal thing, but this is where we really deviate…

Okay so this is baby food…

(holds up ~BeechNut Naturals Beets, Pears & Pomegranate)

I know, I know. I know.

It’s pointless. There was no reason, totally uncalled for. There’s no reason for this. But I’m Annie. And I do some weird shit that makes literally no sense.

So this is the OTHER jar of baby food.

I don’t know, okay listen, I don’t have the answers for you, I don’t.

Sweet potatoes.

I know it, I know.

And this is the last one.

These little jars. If I had a baby, I’d probably be saving every single jar. I’d probably make my own baby food, first of all.

This guy’s about to pull in and see me eating baby food.

You know, the thing about mountains is that they kinda just look the same, don’t they?

The only difference in mountains is the tallness of the mountains.

Starting to feel kinda hydrated right now.

Here he comes back with the cart. Does he have somebody in there right now or something?

(holds up sweet potatoes baby food)

I don’t know about myself right now dude. Ew, this looks runny. I’m not kidding.

I’m just thinking about my life right now. Some shit’s giving me some deep fucking thoughts.

To be completely real with you, it’s like really fucking good.

It’s almost flooding my body with life.

I feel kinda fucked up a lot of the time, I don’t feel super duper well a lot of the time so…

It’s giving me this strange feeling of life force or something.

(holds up Pineapple, Pear & Avocado)

Avocado, like really? That’s weird.

This smells like wall paint.

Okay girl, that ain’t cute. Don’t nobody’s baby gonna want that…


Ain’t nobody’s baby gonna want that! That’s some nasty shit!

So I also got some kind of normal-ish food, I got these…

(holds up ~NutriGrain Strawberry Cereal Bars)

I love them.

(holds up ~Skintimate Berry Shaving Cream)

I got a travel size shaving cream…


You’re gonna find out.

(holds up ~Fiorucci Prosciutto & Mozzarella Panino)

I forgot about this. Um, yes, please, get in my face right now.

I would have not eaten any of that shit if I hadn’t forgotten about this…

Okay I still would have eaten it because I was obsessing on the idea.

(eating in zenlike bliss)

So this dude next to me in this creepy white van, well it’s not creepy it’s actually really nice, but he got a cart full of water. That’s my kinda dude right there. If you’ve got the water, you’re my man.

Kinda makes me feel like my water supply is inadequate. It’s literally not though, I’ve got 3 brand new jugs and half of another jug.

I dunno what kinda car it is, it’s like a red sports car. He’s livin’ the dream. Not really into cars…

Here’s my deal. There’s one kind of vanity car that I think is cool. Maserati.

That’s it.

Couldn’t care less. I don’t care about Maserati. Couldn’t care less about it. But if I was to choose one and say that’s cool, it’s Maserati.

My rule on cars is I don’t give a fuck about cars, what I care about is can you sleep in it?

Cuz if you can’t sleep in it…

What in the fuck is it good for?

This guy next to me totally lives in his van dude, cuz he didn’t even leave.

This old dude parked behind me just got out and I swear he totally looks like Billy Corgan.

Hm, this is really interesting. Really interesting people here.

Also got…

(holds up ~Suave For Men 3 in 1)

Shampoo, conditioner, bodywash.

So I was going through the travel size aisle and literally all they had was conditioner. There was no shampoo. This was the only thing that looked like shampoo.

I got some soup, which I will absolutely not be heating up before I eat it, just so you know.

(holds up ~Campbell’s Chunky Baked Potato with Steak & Cheese Soup)

This is huge, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I got this one and then this one…

(holds up ~Campbell’s Chunky Split Pea Ham & Old Fashioned Vegetable Beef Soup)

Cuz all I had in here was beans, salmon, pineapple, peanut butter and crackers, and that’s it. And that’s plenty. But…

I just kinda felt like it might be nice to have just a little bit of variety.

I got a bitchin’ hat. My other hat was straw as well but I kept it in the car probably about 7 months or something like that and it was literally falling to pieces. Like sharp hay pieces everywhere. So I just got this one and threw the other one away.

There are some things I wanna do here because this WalMart WiFi is FAST and I’d kinda like to utilize that again, but I dunno. We’ll see how I feel about it.

So I’m sitting at the Flagstaff WalMart and I’ve been here for a while, I’ve kinda lost count. And I’ve kinda noticed an unsavory element. There are people back there who are coughing and sneezing, and there’s like this weed smell wafting through the air. They sound sick and shit.

I’m pretty much ready to get the fuck outta here. It’s a nice store but now I see why all the workers come out here to collect up the carts and they’ve got these looks on their faces…

They’re like scowling and looking at everybody because some weird stuff goes down here.

I like Flagstaff so far as I’ve seen, but it is what it is, right?