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Colorado Hotel Got Me Shook

(April 7, 2019)

Video Transcript:

Single, solo female travelers, it’s like you’re better off risking your fucking life boondocking/camping than staying in a hotel. Seriously. Staying in a hotel is an ass-reaming of Biblical proportions. It’s like I said, this shit is coming to an end.

Pretty much, hotels just need to be rented. They needed to be fitted with a miniature kitchen, and all hotels across the nation just need to be mini apartments. It would house like a ton of people. For pretty cheap. Because this is a thing of the past, this is not gonna be happening for much longer.

People are gonna go mobile. And there’s gonna be a culture and a whole entire infrastructure around living mobilly. Rest areas. That’s where people will live. That’s where people will park it and sleep. And it’ll still be free, but I think it wouldn’t hurt to put in a pay option at these rest areas for people who wanna stay longer. Because max stay should only be 24 hours at a rest area, any longer than that would just be inviting people to come and stay there forever. You’ve gotten enforce those 24 limits strictly, and if you wanna stay longer, you could pay extra.

So now I’m gonna check for bedbugs because I dunno, I have thoughts about the hotel. It’s not bad, it’s just… it’s some weird shit. Trust me.

(Holds up ~RightHand Portable Power Station)

Here is my portable power station. I’ve gotta charge this before I head back out on the road. I used it to charge my rechargeable handwarmer power banks I used as footwarmers for the first night I was in the car, and they suck down a lot of battery.

I’m lookin’ to camp.

I have a history of staying in hotels, so it’d be silly to say that I wouldn’t do it again, obviously I will.

But I’m just not about the hotel life.

I’m so fuckin’ cold right now.

It’s fuckin’ freezing.

(Points camera at bathtub)

It’s a fuckin’ pube. It’s not my fuckin’ pube.

See this is what you get when you stay in a “cheap” hotel. Which isn’t even cheap.

It’s nicely done, it’s got nice floors. But dude, it’s like I’m hanging out with everybody else who’s staying in this hotel and they’re all tourists.

I can’t even talk out loud cuz it’s literally that bad, you can hear everything.

The beds are really nice, so that’s great.

This is like a unique experience that you have once because you have some karmic debt that you gotta spend a certain amount of time here.

I’m not flushing the toilet cuz it’s just too loud and I’m sure everyone can hear me pissing in it.

It’s just not up to par.

On a mission for water…

goes outside to car and back inside to hotel

That shit was crazy!

points camera out windows through curtains

Check it out. It’s weird shit, y’all.

Everybody’s all like, “Oh my God, you’re alone out there as a woman traveling!” Dude… I’M the creepy motherfucker that everybody’s warned you about. I mean, it’s me. That’s why I’m here, you know what I mean? Cuz I’m creepy.

And it’s not like a problem or anything, I’m not saying it’s a problem that I’m creepy or whatever but… creepy as shit.



It’s like, does this door even lock? I feel like it literally doesn’t.

I cannot believe this.

Don’t get me started, cuz I will say some shit. And I don’t really have time for that. I gotta work.

Can you hear all the people talking? They’re like elderly tourist people. But the walls on this hotel are paper thin, and not only that but…

They have this shit hanging all over the walls.

Whenever somebody next door closes their door, it’s like this thunderous crash and boom dude.

It reminds me of that story…

Teena Marie was struck in the head by a large photo hanging on the wall above a hotel room bed. And it gave her seizures until she died like 10 years later. It literally ruined her life.

This hotel is somebody’s dream, it’s a great idea, but it’s got some serious flaws.

For that reason, I’m not gonna sleep with my head on this end of the bed, I’m gonna put the pillows at the end of the bed and sleep like that.

I feel like this place is giving me lice. And it’s not bed bugs, I checked for bed bugs. I’m tripping so fucking hard, and I’m starting to wonder like…


Is cannabis just like a really bad idea for me? I mean, I can take that. I don’t have a problem with that, whatever. But it’s just like…

I’m like fuckin’ trippin’ balls right now dude, thinkin’ there’s like bugs crawling on me and shit, that’s the God’s honest fuckin’ truth.

Fuck, y’all, I’m trippin’ hard dude and this is just not the place you wanna be in if you’re trippin’ hard, it’s just not. For some reason.

loud toilet flushes in another room

Listen to that shit!


And it’s like, how the fuck did it get good reviews on Google?

I’m whispering because you can hear everything, they might even be able to hear me whispering.

Legitimately so fucking tired and I better start getting to sleep RIGHT now, it’s like 10:30PM and I need to start getting to sleep because these people are gonna be making noise in the middle of the night, getting up at like 6 in the morning.

This fucking sucks. And I do have work to get done while being here, but I’m just appalled by how much this fucking sucks.

Think about if you lived in apartment and this was just how it was, like you could hear everything, other people’s conversations and everything.

I’ve been listening to these people next door and I can hear their entire conversations and everything.


I would much rather be in a rest area right now, in my car. Any day of the week, ever in life.

We just need more rest areas and we need more parking in rest areas that already exist, and we’ll be well on our way to advancing as a mobile culture. It’s great. I will not miss hotels.

Once this infrastructure is in full swing, nobody will ever stay in a hotel. Ever.

It’s 4 fucking AM and I can hear the people in the next room snoring.

There’s literally nothing I fucking hate worse. I mean there are a lot of things I hate worse or just as much but…

It’s just weird.


(Now in car)

Can’t find my keys. I mean I have other keys obviously, but that’s not the point is it? They’re in here somewhere.

(Finds keys)

hard exhale


It was like…

Fuckin’ weird. It was like fucked up.

It had a really nice bed, it had like a wood floor in the bathroom area.

The room itself wasn’t the problem, the problem was the paper thin walls.

When I checked in, I said I want 2 nights, and she tells me the rate is like $87 or something.

She totals it up and it’s like $240, and I’m just like how the fuck is that a thing?

I didn’t say anything, but I’m just like what happened there?

I just felt unsafe, the door didn’t lock on the room, it was never locked. The key doesn’t DO anything.

There was that, which was not great, but that wasn’t even that concerning to me.

What was concerning to me was my car because my car is what I actually care about.

I don’t care about being in a hotel room for a night, I care about my car because this is like my house.

It’s so obvious to me that you’re in way more danger staying at a hotel than you are just staying in your car. I mean, depending on the hotel and everything, but like… what is the benefit of staying in a hotel?

The whole time that I’m in a hotel, I just wanna be in my car. Sometimes it’s fun, don’t get me wrong. But I’m obsessed with my car, I’m obsessed with driving. That’s what I wanna do.

And my nose was like bloody and shit, just the one side of it when I woke up, cuz that room gave me a lowkey allergic reaction.

I was woken up by the people in the next room snoring… like synchronized snoring. It was like the snoring olympics or something.

Plus I was feeling screwed over by the price, cuz I’m not great at math but I’m pretty sure there was shit in there that was not quite right. It was squirrelly.

But I’m creeper. I let it slide in the moment, but then later, you know some shit gets worked out.

So I get up today and I’m like I’m not fucking staying here anymore. Cuz I flushed the toilet and the toilet hardly flushed, so I was like you know what, I’m the fuck out of here.

So I went up to the front desk and I told the guy…

Thank God it was a guy and not the person who checked me in.

I was like, “Dude, I’ve had an emergency of serious proportions come up and I can’t stay the other night.”

And so I was charged for one night, I have the receipt. Which this person who checked me in did not give me receipt. Fishy shit going on.

But the guy this morning made it all right. Because whatever the fuck went on there lastnight, I don’t think he’s in on it. He made it right and I paid for one night, $87 and that was that.

And diverging from that place specifically…

I get the feeling that hotels are like trafficking headquarters. Especially those that have those old school keys and are not high tech at all. It’d be really easy in certain places for those to just be trafficked, you know, somebody has the key to the room…

The door doesn’t lock anyway, let’s keep that in mind.

But if somebody had a key, they’d just come and traffick your ass. I think that’s what happens in hotels a lot of the time.

Yeah, I mean…

I would just stay in my car like all of the time. The literal only problem that ever exists is just like where to park. That’s it.

We need for this vehicle dwelling culture to take off so the infrastructure is maintained toward this effort.

This is not a “bad” place… I don’t think it was the whole area, it’s just that hotel is so bizarre.

It’s very pretty around here.

GPS giving directions

I’m like so shook.

It’s just hard for me.

talking back to GPS

I just wanna be in the car.